Self Improvement: "I'm just trying to figure things out" (From a Christian Perspective)

   
     I would call myself an introspective person. I have given a lot of thought to why I behave and think the way I do, and have spent many hours trying to search my motives for things. This has been in an attempt to better myself, or what you could call self-improvement.
I have carried this type of thinking into my spiritual life as well. More specifically trying to figure out God’s will for my life and how I can become a better Christian. I’ve spent days and nights thinking and conversing with others who have these ideals and the same desire for truth. The interesting thing is that although this type of thinking is well intended, I have found that it often leads nowhere. I find that my deep conversations, whether with others, or myself, often end with a feeling of intellectual satisfaction, with little outward consequence. Let me explain:
     “I am trying to figure things out” is a statement you hear a lot in your 20’s, and if you’re a 20-something, you’ve probably used this phrase yourself. These are words that simplistically describe a generation that admittedly doesn’t have it together, but is trying to understand this sort-of far out bigger plan that’s about as tangible as trying to catch a cloud.
     I think two things have happened as a result of our confused state. One is that we put off any real choices until such a time (like 30) when we really need to figure it out, and the other is a pursuit of bettering one-self and focusing inward.
The first way of thinking is not always as good as it sounds. Some of us who are “figuring things out” are just plain lazy. It’s a great excuse to not have to do anything about our lives anytime soon. I have fallen victim to this.
The second (which is the one I want to focus more on, although a lengthy note could be written on the first) is this idea of self-improvement.
Don’t misunderstand that self-improvement is good and can be very beneficial, but the problem is that it can turn selfish. Questions like, how can I be a better person?...Or if you’re spiritual: a better Christian?...often don’t produce better people. At least, this is what I starting to take note of. I think we miss the point when we spend too much time on self-improving and less on just serving God and others and let the improvement happen naturally. Maybe you have to come to a place where you have driven yourself absolutely crazy like I have by trying to figure things out and make changes in myself.
I like to think about this issue in terms of a dating relationship. If every time you hung out with your significant other and had to have a talk about where the relationship was going and what you needed to improve on, you would create a feeling of negativity and distrust. You would eventually rid yourselves of enjoying one another’s company. Yet I often do this with God, so much that I often want to give up the Christian pursuit cause I make it so dang complicated in my head.
I think part of the answer is that we need a shift in culture with less of a desire for self-improvement and more of a giving; serving attitude that will result in improved and more meaningful lives.
Don’t misunderstand that there is a place for introspection and a time when one should wrestle with the deeper questions and ask where I am going? Questioning and introspecting are extremely important and this post is not to say these things are never needed. There are issues that I am still figuring out. What I am talking about is a mindset in our culture, specifically among my age group that has created a lifestyle that isn’t quite working.
I remember walking on the beach this past summer; praying and thinking when something came to mind: I need to stop “figuring out who I am,” and “decide who I am”. I think we see a culture today that thinks deeply and can hold an intelligent conversation, but at the end of the day there is little change that is actually seen or made.
“Choice” is the word that will have to be used in order to change things. We must decide what path we will choose and let ourselves be changed as we focus outward.